The Rad Stoic #029

Here's what I said about my Dad on Monday morning.

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Now, I have to tell you, they told me I have 10 minutes. Or as my dad would hear, 25 minutes.

Joseph. Joe. Mr. Rad. Coach Rad. Uncle Joe. Pop pop. Hun. Dad.

My dad is the biggest influence on my life. He coached all my sports teams. Basketball, baseball, football, roller hockey. He constantly gave me tips and pointers on how I can improve. He just loved sports. He was dedicated to excellence – not necessarily winning. For his teams, winning just ensued. Our team cheers were always “1, 2, 3 Hustle!” This is his way of saying ‘do all you can. Work your butt off. If you hustle, good things will happen.’

He was always looking to get out and play some golf and tennis. He would drive to the tennis courts in Ocean City solo and bring his racquet in the off chance that someone needed a 4^th for doubles. Knowing my dad, he saw someone he knew, made a new friend, or was happy enough to just hit the ball against a wall.

My Dad was just at home on the tennis court. But he was also at home in the LaSalle math classroom, on Bartley field coaching football. Here at church. At home. And yes, even at the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania. How can he be at home at all of these places? Home is where you can be authentically yourself. And dad was always himself. Whether that was with his grandkids, with fellow teachers, or with students from 15 years ago that came up to him in the mall after which my dad would tell me “I don’t remember that kid!” He was always himself. For that matter, you might even say he was at home when buying the $1.50 hot dog at Costco. He really liked their hot dogs. And what a deal!

It takes courage to be authentic. To never put on a mask. To be who you are at all times. The amount of courage in this man was tremendous. To go through a heart transplant when other patients were having tragic and dire results took courage which was a major point of pride for him for almost 30 years.

After that long, overcoming challenges became a part of his identity. He told his story to anyone willing to listen. Yes, he liked the attention at least a little bit. But when people hear inspirational stories about a nerdy math teacher with a cheesy sense of humor, then those people might introspect on how they can level up their own game. They hear that he collapsed out cold while out for a jog at age 38. That the next day, he refereed a basketball game. That he received a heart transplant. That he beat cancer. And after all that still dominated the classroom – two divided by a half anyone? -- , coached undefeated football teams, raised a couple of overachieving kids, showed his undying love to his wife everyday and was just an all-around tremendous guy,

While I say all these things that dad did, he would tell you that he could not have done any of it without his family. Most notably, his wife, my mother, Diane. Mom, we were talking the other day about how much he loved you. When you weren’t around, he would tell me how appreciative he is of all that you have done for him. 1987. 1996. 2026. Let alone all of the Transplant Olympic games you attended across the country and cheered him on in tennis, ping pong, bowling, and basketball. You are coming up on your 50^th anniversary and while we won’t celebrate it in the way we would have hoped to, it will be a milestone of your love for each other which has fed down to my marriage and Catherine’s. Thank you for showing us the way.

My dad always found his way to a leader role. As big brother to Michael and Kathleen, my dad was always willing to rally the family for a mass in honor of a family member, bring folks together for a birthday celebration, and gather us all for a group photo for one of his many physical photo albums – which, of course, are organized by month and year.

Speaking of family, here today are the family members of my dad’s heart donor Al Fennell. Without their unselfish and wonderful generosity, my dad would have never see his children get married, met his grandchildren, and would never have been able to leave a lasting impact on the hundreds or thousands of students he interacted with after Al’s passing in November 1996. My family and literally everyone here in this room benefited from Al’s life changing generosity.

For me to have Joe Radvansky as a father feels like I had an unfair advantage over others. And that’s not just because he passed his good looks to me. I had a constant example of what good looks like. Of what it’s like to work hard. Of what life can be like if you just look to make a positive impact on the world.

To illustrate this, here’s a question: what do Pope John Paul II, Jimmy Stewart, President George W. Bush, and Bonnie Hunt have in common? They have all received hand-written letters from Joe Radvansky. In these letters, my dad shares appreciation for their contributions to humanity and his belief in the goodness of God and the wonderful impact of God on his life.

My dad really liked church. Like, a lot. But not just showing up everyday. He loved learning more about his faith. He attended regular Bible study and has dozens of books on the subject the Bible, faith and heaven. Some of the books I found in his office include The Science of God, Heaven Changes Everything, In Search of Angels, Where There is Love There is God, Imagine Heaven, Miracles of the Cross, Proof of Heaven and Believe It. Actually, that last one is the story of the Eagles Super Bowl 52 victory by Nick Foles. But I think we can all agree to call that a religious book as well.

But he didn’t stop at consuming other people’s content. He created a large number of prayers himself – many of which are circulating around the church right now. All of the prayer cards including the one with my dad’s handsome mug on it were written by my dad, printed and distributed in the hopes that his thoughts and prayers can be helpful to someone that could use them.

When we are faced with challenges such as losing a loved one, we are forced to be creative in thinking not just “how isn’t this that bad” but “how can this be good?” When Al, my dad’s heart donor, passed, Evelyn, Vicki, Lorraine, and Sheila had to think “this isn’t good”. But little did they know that their and Al’s tragedy could turn into nearly 30 years of good. It turned into a massive gathering of friends and family that reconnect after years apart. It turned into day after day of my dad waking up thinking “how can I make the world a better place?” In this room of hundreds of people, we are all dealing with something that is an obstacle. If we approach our days, our relationships, and our challenges in the same manner as my dad did, we would have fewer arguments, more joy, but still might express to our friends that we wish we had a stronger backhand.

So as I have gotten one-eighth of the way through this talk, I’m sorry, as I wrap, I just want to say it plainly. Joe Radvansky was the man. Joe was as awesome as you think he was. My dad has left a lasting impact on this world in the best way he could with the years that he had – at least 30 or 40 of which were granted by God. In the end, he made it to 77-plus.

What is the thing I am taking with me as I look back on my dad’s life? Be intentionally good. That necessitates a heavy dose of optimism, a belief in the inherent goodness of others, and a level of accountability in my own decisions, words, and actions. Implementing this isn’t easy. Not much of my dad’s life was easy. But he did as much as he could and accomplished so much despite the challenges placed in his path. I am so proud of his life. I am proud of calling him my dad for the last 42 years, today and forever. Thanks dad. And thank you for joining us here today as we celebrate my dad’s amazing and -- quite literally -- unbelievable life.